........

40+ hours in a car!!! and i realized again how much i’ve done wrong. all the mistakes that i can’t apologize for.
I REMEMBER! watching cartoons when I was younger. I was like, “Well, If I was in that position… I would definitely just come out and apologize.” But it’s so much more complicated now. I care too much about what other people think.

There was no Office last week… ):

I was at my uncle’s house for like 5 days. It was maddd nice! But now I’m back home and I still feel like I’m on vacation. /sigh… when’s winter break?

i want to have charisma.

i’m learning social theory and manipulation techniques. It’s interesting but so immoral.

i want to get better at my instrument. actually, i’ll play right now.

Church! there was some cute girl, kawaii

i’m so much warmer today. music, heal me please.

taking a personal day cause school is just hurt.

this teenager talked to me when i was 12. i met him on a video game. he talked about his hobby, paintball. he also talked to me about his dream car. he loved it. i loved it because he loved it. corvette stingray. he was specific about the paint job… metallic blue. anyways, we stopped talking until maybe last year, he im’d me out of nowhere. he said do i know you from that sony game? i said yeah. we caught up. he had met someone online while he was abroad. this one girl he wanted to marry after he got back from iraq. he never got his dream car done. he never im’d me back.

i love you.

might be hitting blue againnn but i know why! so i’m done.

after this week… home free.

:)

I’m tired and it m-m-m-makes me   FEEL SO HUMAN.

this makes me happy

Life

How the hell do you do it? Why does everyone act so happy? I always think of these alternate realities where everyone lives in a society that rewards sadness. This seems so stupid but I’m a pseudo-nihilist. Every moral is shaped by the society around it.

I wish I could make people happy.

I don’t want to want to post tbh. I’m just trying to stay true to this morning. I was wondering if I would have a last inhale or a last exhale before death. Apparently, the Native Americans thought your spirit left when you took your final exhale. What happens if you die inhaling?

My Parents have never let me done what I’ve wanted to do. I wanted to take Programming as an Elective after dropping Chinese. I didn’t need a language last year, but they thought it was in my best interest to stay in Chinese for all 4 years. Their belief was that it would help me get into colleges. I’m also taking an SAT class. It’s helpful but not useful. I am learning and getting better. I’m used to sitting down for 3 hours and I know some strategies. But, I don’t need an increase in score. With my 1860, I can get into North Eastern easily. I can get into Depaul. If My GPA were a little bit better, I’d be able to SCRATCH NYU’s surface. In addition to that, this class would be useful. I have no intent in going to NYU. I want to go to DePaul. North Eastern, if I can’t. I don’t want to do any of this shit.